#162 We May Not Know What We Really Want

But we sure do not know what we don't want.

I know I don't want to be far away from Him. Yet my heart wanders and goes it's own way. And when I am shown the truth in the hurt I experience, sheepishly I return. I stand at the door wondering if things will ever be the same, with that voice in my mind saying, "No, it'll never ever be the same." And I am jaded, because I chose to interpret it as condemnation. But that voice never said it was for the worse. And yet I limit myself. But the people around. The people that are in hurt and yet stand up again. The people who swing from valley to valley yet never fail to stand each time. The Job's, the King David's, the spiritual giants who believe in the strength of not themselves, but of the God who create us all as vessels of love, these people remind me time again by their own internal struggles what it means to be a follower and not just a believer in Christ. Anyone, noble or ignoble, can believe. Even the Devil believes in God. But only true worshippers, true followers lay their free will at God's feet and take up their cross.

We are run down and fractured physically by the pressures of life. But if our soul will seek rest in Him, we are none the worse at the end of it all. That is the secret that truth, faith and hope brings. That is what love seeks to set free into our lives.

#161 Noooo! :(

A couple of weeks ago, my vocal class teacher asked to reintroduce ourselves to the entire class as we had new students joining us. He also told us to speak about our strengths and weaknesses. I shared a weakness, the acknowledgment of which has haunted me since then, a weakness that is inherent in areas of my life more than just in music.

And today, I find myself fighting that same old battle once more. I'm at the brink of either yet another terrible loss, or one of the most monumental breakthroughs in my life.

So Windez, what will you choose at the end? Will you choose to run once more, or will you choose to stand and fight?