#59 It's Quiz Time! (My Collection Of On The Dot, Self-Thought, Super Fail Jokes)

Qn 1: At the Institute of Mental Health, 39 patients warded for various stress-related symptoms were informed that they were to sit for a test.

Everyone studied hard for the test, because they were told if they passed, they could be discharged immediately.

However, all 40 who took the test failed. Why?

Ans: It was a stress test.

Qn 2: All 39 patients were dismayed that they failed the test. However, everyone was curious as to why the only non-patient could have failed the test as well. Why?

Ans: The non-patient was an NSF. (hint: Chao Keng!!!)

And now for a little story.

Da Bao and Xiao Bao

On a normal day, Da Bao would be all whistly and chirpy. However, today was not a normal day; Da Bao had woke up on the wrong side of the Bao tray. As a result, Da Bao, in his uncontrollable rage, cursed and swore at the heat of the day.

"So hot, bloody sun, shine until so bright. Even my Bao skin also Chao Tar already!" Chao Tar Bao... err... Da Bao grumbled.

Da Bao grumbled a little more, before starting to walk to Bao Factory to meet up with the rest of the Bao workers.

"Bao Jing Tian, must give me good luck today," Da Bao silently prayed. "Today got Bao Ga Liao Toto. I bought big big. Must win big big. If not tomorrow can eat air liao."

Upon reaching the Factory, Da Bao promptly stamped his timesheet and proceeded in (what else?!) for work.

"Daaaaaaaaaaa Baoooooo!"

Da Bao looked around, but saw no one. He turned back to his work.

"Daaaaaaaaaaa Baoooooo!", the voice repeated.

"What lar?! Call me but don't show yourself!" Da Bao retorted. This time, Da Bao didn't even bother looking up. If the person (or Bao) wanted his attention, Da Bao thought, he would have to appear in person. Da Bao didn't want to waste time when he had so much work to do.

"Here lar! You look up for what?! I'm down here.....!" Xiao Bao exclaimed.

"Orh you ah, Xiao Bao. Why so deh one. Can don't sa jiao anot? You guy leh. Ya what?!" Da Bao replied.

"Hee hee hee, nothing, disiao nia!" Xiao Bao giggled, before running away.

"Oi you don't waste my time hor. Later I tell your ah pa Hum Bao Bao then you kena liao!" Da Bao screamed after him.

To cut a long story short, this happened quite a few times, until Da Bao was super mad. Frustrated, Da Bao went to complain to Hum Bao Bao.

"Ah boss ah," Da Bao said. "Your that Xiao Bao ah, keep disturbing me leh. Very hard concentrate. Can tell him don't disturb me anot?"

"Yes...yes Mr Bao Ga Liao, you want how many bao to showcase again? Sorry ah, my worker calling me," Hum Bao Bao, looked up. He motioned for Da Bao to be silent, for he was on an important business call with Bao Ga Liao, the Factory's biggest customer.

"Ah boss. Very fast one, spare me a moment nia," Da Bao raised his voice. "Your son..."

"Arh? How many bao again, sir?" Hum Bao Bao struggled against Da Bao's increased volume. "So sorry, my that worker very noisy and impatient."

"WHAT NOISY? I NOW ASK YOU VERY VERY NICELY, YOUR XIAO BAO HOW, DISIAO ME HOW I DO MY WORK?" Da Bao was practically screaming.

"Eh, what? Settle my worker before calling you back? But Mr Bao Ga Liao, Mr Bao..." The line went dead. Hum Bao Bao was belligerent.

"Boss your son..." Da Bao started, very pleased with himself for getting his boss' attention.

"GET OUT!" Hum Bao Bao screamed.

"But..." Da Bao stuttered.

"GET OUT RIGHT THIS MOMENT! I'M GOING TO CALL MR BAO GA LIAO ONE MORE TIME. IF I LOSE THIS BUSINESS, YOU LOSE YOUR JOB!" Hum Bao Bao screeched. He was livid with rage. Then, after taking 5 deep breaths, he regain his calm and poised manner, and proceeded to redial and restart the telephone conversation.

"Okay! Then you don't blame me if I discipline your son for you!" Da Bao barked before leaving the office.

So Da Bao chased Xiao Bao.

"I will beat you till your bao skin split!" a furious Da Bao screamed as he ran after a half giggling, half blabbering Xiao Bao.

After catching up to Xiao Bao, Da Bao did Mike Tyson proud by beating Xiao Bao up left, right, centre. Still, Xiao Bao didn't stop blabbering nonsense.

In exasperation, Da Bao took Xiao Bao and stuffed him into a bottle before throwing him into the sea.

The words he used as he performed the operation was too vulgar to even paraphrase.

After "disposing of" Xiao Bao, Da Bao went back to the office.

Upon reaching his cubicle, Da Bao saw a sealed envelope and knew his fate; Da Bao has lost his job. He cursed himself for his inability to shut his mouth earlier.

From that day onward, Da Bao ceased to exist. In his place was Dao Bao (Unsociable Bao).

And now for some more lame and totally incoherent jokes!

Qn 3: Who is taller, a 1.8m man or a 1.8m woman?

Ans: The Man. Because height (beauty) is in the eyes of the beholder. And more importantly I'm a man.

Qn 4: Why is it safer not to wear seat belts while in a car?

Ans: Because if the car overturns, how are you going to get out of the car with the buckle on?

Qn 5: Why do you have to take a right turn when you are lost?

Ans: Because there is no left, the other option is a wrong turn.

Qn 6: What do you find when you pick up a bottle from the sea?

Ans: Xiao Bao.

I feel my intelligence go lower just posting this on my blog.


*Edit*

Qn 7: What is Dao Bao going to eat for lunch tomorrow?

Ans: Eat air.