#73 Bummer

Words fail me tonight. The day's been crazy and I'm just zoned out mentally.

Looking forward to the BB gang meet up tomorrow. ;)

#72 I'd Like To Have A Dream

One that will blow me off my feet. I'd like to break out in joy. I'd like for the promise in Jeremiah 29:11 to be personal.

Today was a long tiring, but fruitful day. Ushering was a new experience, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon. Thank God for the brothers and sisters who were there to guide me and make it more than just a physical activity. :)

Over the weekend, after joining the Hope people for Jovin's birthday celebrations, I felt a tinge of sadness. I miss those guys and the awesome times we had and I couldn't help but indulge in a "what-if-I-was-still-there" scenario.

To all the Hope peeps for an awesome life-changing experience, I bring you this song on my playlist; 1000 Words.

And yet though I'm not perfect where I am right now, I know that making decisions on the spur of the moment, especially if they are emotion-charged, is neither long-sighted nor God-centred.

And then there are the many CHC peeps who made my journey in CHC a joy and nurturing journey. I only can say that our time has only just began. So let's grow together ya? (Kind of lost for words at this moment)

And so I made the mental decision to grow as best as I can wherever I am to the same God we serve.

Passing by NUH on the cab ride to the west brought back memories of that day. Even till today, the contrast is stark. So many times in the past I passed by my granny's room while she was asleep wondering how long she had left and wishing it was forever.

And then when she finally passed on, it looked nothing like when she was asleep.

I could still see the spasms and wishing I could have made her stay on Earth more of a joy.

But I cannot.

#71 Jovin's Birthday

A small celebration and a host of memories flood back.

That short time with the rest reminded me on the race, and saying, "See you at the end of the race," reminded me of how much more I need to know God and how much I used to yearn for Him.

Am so glad I got myself an mp3 player for a steal. It's nothing big to everyone else, since most already have Ipods and stuff.

To me though, this is somewhat like the world.

Time for sleep though, tomorrow's a long day.

First song on my playlist; Melodies of Life (Japanese version)

#70 What A Blast!

The above title sounds misleading.

It's actually a negative connotation.

Because between feeling selfish and having the feeling that I've nothing to give, there's still that strong temptation to flee from everything.

This mental atrophy is doing me bad, and I haven't got the self discipline to fight back.

Seems like I've come out bruised and battered every time the past catches up.

And against all logic, I just want to disappear.

Let me hide under Your wings.

#69 With A Heavy Heart

I put my petition in prayer.

And found respite.

#68 A Gust Of Wind To Clear The Dust

It's funny how I stop by now and then with words in my mind but not the desire to update this cobweb filled personal recollection.

And so here I am.

It's one month short of my birthday. This past year has been crazy with all the birthday celebrations for the 1988 babies. And finally it's my turn.

As the year comes to a close and the hustle and bustle winds down, I have this sudden urge to cancel my birthday celebration and just take a solo Sabbath on that weekend.

You know, just disappear and "go as the wind goes". Tempting.

The reason for that is nothing angsty. I just want a good rest. Haven't been having much of one lately.

And there's this nagging feeling that I've been neglecting many people in my life, especially the people from the ol' HopeRP and my secondary school friends. Due to my oversight and recent preoccupation with the more irritating aspects of my life, the passage of time has brought social entropy.

And yet listening to Ps Kong's sermons give me this calming, encouraging and uplifting effect. A few years ago, I'd not imagine myself writing this, but well, when a man of God speaks, it really impacts.

I still feel far from perfect, I still feel I need lots of prodding and guiding, I still feel I need much more discipline.

But hey, whatever. I'm not yet 85! *Pun intended*