Dear God, I'd Rather Be Cold Then Lukewarm

And right now, I feel pretty much subzero cold.

But You understand. More than I could myself.

So as Monday comes, I believe You're with me.

For though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Your rod & Your staff they comfort me.

The rod for rebuke, the staff to pull me back.

But if there be a shadow, there must be a light source.

And You are that light that casts the shadow upon Death, so that even Death cannot come near.

Please be with me, dear Father. Help my unbelief.

21 Mar 2014

Dear God,
Tonight, I find life so, uncertain, overwhelming, even unbearable. I find myself at that point where I don't know who to confide in.

I find life a tough journey to walk, unbearable even. I don't know if where I'm heading is worth the pain, wait & toil.

I don't know if the choices I made are right or wrong.

I don't know if I'm good enough or not. Maybe it's because I've had too much to drink.

I don't know how to stop worrying.

I don't know if my family'll be fine or not.

I feel I've done the best I can as humanly possible and yet I feel so dissatisfied.

And that is why, I'm leaving this whole mess of a life to You.

Where I am weak, then You are strong.

You long for me life a lover longs for his sweetheart. Even though I am unworthy, You love me.

And I desire a breakthrough. Give me that hunger.

God I can go no further on my own strength.

I'm at the end of the line.

I have nothing to boast of now.

Even the hopes & dreams I had they seem closer to "never" then before.

But I know this is all the voice of the Devil.

For You hold the world in Your hands. & you will deliver.

So God, I put no trust in man, but in You.

You will lift me. You will sustain me.

Thank You, Lord.

13 March 2014

Thank God, You didn't give up on me.

It's been over 2 years since I started working. Time sure flies. And while things will never be the same again, it is this hope in Him that keeps me going.

Sure is a quiet house nowadays.

Hebrews 11:1-3 NKJV

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

So many things I do not understand that has happened or is happening. So much so that I often feel my life is out of control. But day by day I find myself coming back to this realization, that God is in control. And while everything seems to go topsy turvy, I know in the deepest of my heart that things will work out.

Romans 8:26-28 NKJV

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weakness. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

I know now that I need not bother about the things I cannot control. Not everything has to be answered "right now". Because God is not a God of convenience, or "right now" but a God of perfection, "right where it should be". My mind I can control, and should, although all too often I let it lead me astray.

But such is the grace of God, that we who love Him, though we may grow weary, 

Hebrews 13:5 Amplified

Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

The promise does comfort me. But my role is not in merely staring at the mirror and then walking away, (James 1:23-24), but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2), if it were to last. Because John the Baptist had rightly said,

John 3:30-35

He must increase, but I must decrease. He who comes from above is above all; he who is of the earth is earthly and speaks of the earth. He who comes from heaven is above all. And what He has seen or heard, that He testifies; and no one receives His testimony. He who has received His testimony has certified that God is true. For He whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God does not give the Spirit by measure. The Father loves the Son, and has given all things into His hand.

God has not given me limited grace, but grace beyond measure. And it is this grace beyond measure that will carry me through the pressure of moulding into the light of His glory. Then when I can last through the fire, I will shine forth like gold.

1 Kings 19:11-13

Then He said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said "What are you doing here, Elijah?"