This is the part I am reflective.
I finally took the conscious effort to read Ps Kong Hee's blog to update myself on sister (? I don't know how to properly refer to her) Sun Ho's medical condition.
Boy was I shocked at what I read. Want to know more? Go www.konghee.com/blog (sorry the link doesn't work).
Please do remember to pray for her too!
This week flew past pretty quickly. The work came fast and furious, but I've realised I've unknowingly fallen in love with the work. I'm not sure how it happened, but I guess it helped when I kept a positive attitude in spite of my natural aversion to cheap labour. Then, I guess, things just changed inside.
Blessed that in spite of the workload I had lots of excess time; time spent on QT and memorising the 5 Acts verses. I usually am good at memorising short verses. This time though, the task seems impossible. Everytime I feel I've memorise it, I realise I forgot everything. Must be a reason behind it...
I'm surprised at a few things in camp.
1. My relationship with my colleagues, the regulars and my boss has improved tremendously. I feel so blessed! For example, usually my CO lets the duty clerk wait for him till he finishes. Today, when he heard I was the duty clerk, he told me he would be leaving around 6.30-7pm at first, after some thought. I had the impression he wanted to stay longer but thought otherwise. Then, a few minutes later, he came out and told me to leave first and get the people staying over to lock up for me, mentioning that he could be there till much later. People say that it's all part of the benefits of being a CO PA. I don't agree. You can be a CO PA and stuck up and people will get sick of your character and personality pretty quickly, or you can be nice and people take advantage at the start, but see what you truly are after a while.
2. I shared my testimony to two camp mates rather unintentionally. It first started with a camp mate, Mike asking me about Holy Spirit baptism and speaking in tongues. Another friend got interested in the conversation (albeit negatively, it seemed to me) and started asking me leading questions; questions with a hook. I readily admitted I did not have the answers that he needed, but shared my testimony, why I believed what I believed in the simplest of terms and urged him to experience before coming to a conclusion. There seemed much tension within him, disbelief, but I felt something different. As I spoke, my voice changed from a defensive tone, to a reconcilatory one. But if there's but one takeaway, it is this; I have to know more. Much more.
I've not kept my promise to Darryl to sms him every night to update him. Don't have the discipline. It's kind of hard pushing myself to do all these things; totally opposite from the me I have known. But it's a necessary sacrifice. I'm going to do what I can.
This is the part I go ballistic.
I seem to be grasping at time. 3 months have passed so quickly! So much things I haven't done, so much things I've missed out because of a lack of self-discipline and planning!
And that occasional thought of my granny. It's been 8 months but it still feels like yesterday. I don't see her in the ICU in my mind anymore but I can't ever seem to dream a dream where she's happy. Each dream ends in either a stalemate or a nightmarish ending.
I don't seem to be succeeding with ballistic.
Oh no, I'm getting negative! God, give me a positive direction to look to, to work for and to believe in!
Because I don't want to miss the point.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
#13 o_O
I wonder what makes good, restful sleep. Because it seems nowadays I get weird, even freakish dreams, bordering on the line of nightmares.
Psychedelic.
Had just one such dream this morning. A bit embarrassing/disconcerting to describe but it made me feel so claustrophobic, but at the same time could only be described as packing an adventure. The downside to this whole experience was that I woke up late, felt like I worked through the night and acquired a bad headache through the day.
I kind of enjoyed my day in camp doing the most boring of tasks; clicking slides in a meeting, not because of the task but the content involved. It is amazing coming into the army and actually hearing bits (though I don't really get all of it) and pieces of adventure we only read of in novels.
And more and more I'm convinced the value of a situation is dictated by the attitude we take as we confront it.
*Psychos himself, then goes to memorise the 5 verses once more*
Psychedelic.
Had just one such dream this morning. A bit embarrassing/disconcerting to describe but it made me feel so claustrophobic, but at the same time could only be described as packing an adventure. The downside to this whole experience was that I woke up late, felt like I worked through the night and acquired a bad headache through the day.
I kind of enjoyed my day in camp doing the most boring of tasks; clicking slides in a meeting, not because of the task but the content involved. It is amazing coming into the army and actually hearing bits (though I don't really get all of it) and pieces of adventure we only read of in novels.
And more and more I'm convinced the value of a situation is dictated by the attitude we take as we confront it.
*Psychos himself, then goes to memorise the 5 verses once more*
Saturday, March 21, 2009
#12 Today, Saturday
I'm 37 mins late as I type this post because it's already Sunday.
But that's beyond the point.
Today I finish the medication that causes drowsiness.
However, I found out (with lots of pain) why another set of antibiotics pills are directed to be taken with or after food. How? This is how:
Part 1, the night before, I took a pill before going to bed as directed. However, I did not eat any food along with it. I spent the next 45 minutes writhing in abdominal pain on bed.
Part 2, I took another pill 12 hours later, expecting to be taking my lunch soon. Within 2 minutes, I felt a slight ache in my stomach. Within 15 mins I was out of breath. By 30 mins I could barely walk. Somehow, though, I managed to meet Ben and grab lunch. And that solved it.
And then the day's events blurred past me.
It's quite a shame how every single ounce of happiness can be pushed away by a single bad experience/instance. Once again, I magnified the problem and minimized God.
So on the way back home, I asked myself, "Give me a reason why I should continue inviting and believing in someone who has betrayed, made use of and now even heaped sarcasm on me?"
Finding no answer, I asked God the same question, for a verse in reply.
"Haven't you done the same before? How different then are you?" came the simple answer.
"Fair enough," I thought. "Fair enough."
Once again, I'm humbled. Because it's not about the situation, but how I react to it.
P.S. I found the answer for myself; because I want to believe.
But that's beyond the point.
Today I finish the medication that causes drowsiness.
However, I found out (with lots of pain) why another set of antibiotics pills are directed to be taken with or after food. How? This is how:
Part 1, the night before, I took a pill before going to bed as directed. However, I did not eat any food along with it. I spent the next 45 minutes writhing in abdominal pain on bed.
Part 2, I took another pill 12 hours later, expecting to be taking my lunch soon. Within 2 minutes, I felt a slight ache in my stomach. Within 15 mins I was out of breath. By 30 mins I could barely walk. Somehow, though, I managed to meet Ben and grab lunch. And that solved it.
And then the day's events blurred past me.
It's quite a shame how every single ounce of happiness can be pushed away by a single bad experience/instance. Once again, I magnified the problem and minimized God.
So on the way back home, I asked myself, "Give me a reason why I should continue inviting and believing in someone who has betrayed, made use of and now even heaped sarcasm on me?"
Finding no answer, I asked God the same question, for a verse in reply.
"Haven't you done the same before? How different then are you?" came the simple answer.
"Fair enough," I thought. "Fair enough."
Once again, I'm humbled. Because it's not about the situation, but how I react to it.
P.S. I found the answer for myself; because I want to believe.
Friday, March 20, 2009
#11 The Past Week
Lots of thoughts rushed through my mind as I thought back on the week's passing;
Some hopeful, some ignoble, some happy, others not so.
But the one thing that came through was this; the moment I let down my guard, I found myself spiraling back into the pit I crawled out before. I'm talking about about sin. About laziness, about trying to escape from the reality of my problems, about putting on a brave front, about not doing my best at work.
It may not seem significant to any other. But that's just how quirky my mind is.
In brokenness I went back to seek Him. Guilt, anguish over my lack of self-discipline, I released it all.
But at what cost? The week feels wasted.
May I never live another week like that.
John 5:8 Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."
And so I walked. Out of that pit once more.
****
Listening to songs on my laptop brings back interesting thoughts. I'm addicted to music; I mentally associate each familiar piece with a situation, an incident, be it funny, sad, crazy or just pure weird.
Love songs; they bring such a torrid rush of emotions. Bittersweet. Magical even.
Things to be grateful:
1. Concern from my boss and a free 1/2 day off to rest.
2. Concern from friends who check on me; very much appreciated! :)
3. The visit back to Hope, it was as much an enjoyable day as it was a cathartic experience.
4. Old HopeRP brothers and sisters slowly coming back together as one. Just a bit more!
5. For the big plan of which I'm a part of.
Some hopeful, some ignoble, some happy, others not so.
But the one thing that came through was this; the moment I let down my guard, I found myself spiraling back into the pit I crawled out before. I'm talking about about sin. About laziness, about trying to escape from the reality of my problems, about putting on a brave front, about not doing my best at work.
It may not seem significant to any other. But that's just how quirky my mind is.
In brokenness I went back to seek Him. Guilt, anguish over my lack of self-discipline, I released it all.
But at what cost? The week feels wasted.
May I never live another week like that.
John 5:8 Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."
And so I walked. Out of that pit once more.
****
Listening to songs on my laptop brings back interesting thoughts. I'm addicted to music; I mentally associate each familiar piece with a situation, an incident, be it funny, sad, crazy or just pure weird.
Love songs; they bring such a torrid rush of emotions. Bittersweet. Magical even.
Things to be grateful:
1. Concern from my boss and a free 1/2 day off to rest.
2. Concern from friends who check on me; very much appreciated! :)
3. The visit back to Hope, it was as much an enjoyable day as it was a cathartic experience.
4. Old HopeRP brothers and sisters slowly coming back together as one. Just a bit more!
5. For the big plan of which I'm a part of.
Monday, March 16, 2009
#10 Longing For A Buddy
Reminder to myself before starting the entry:
1. Don't forget the Xiao gang
(I know it's repetitive but) It has become my habit each day I wake up to mentally repeat reminders to myself because of how easy our mind lets slip of the important stuff.
Okay, on to the entry.
As I started, two ideas for getting across my plea (if you would call it) popped in my head.
1. To do it advertisement style.
2. To do it the old-fashion style.
Think I'll do it the 3rd way; without style.
Kidding.
But in all honesty, my longing is nothing trivial.
Because stepping out to know God more intimately, reaching out to people and being more caring (I try at least), constantly reminding myself to reflect on my weaknesses, is not at all an easy task, even insurmountable if I ever feel alone.
And so I long for a buddy who:
- Can grow with me at a similar pace so we can challenge each other
- Spiritually shares the same fire, the same burden for people
- Care for people and each other
- Remind me of my blind spots, my inclination to legalism or my apparent lack of EQ
- Providing reminds to keep in check my tongue
Because in putting in effort there will be disappointments, discouragement and obstacles.
But before that happens, I want to be insulated from all these, because we cannot be spending all our time solving problems; we have to be prepared for at least some of them.
Being a follower of Christ often requires self motivation and self criticism. Being a contemporary Christian is even more challenging as we strive not just to keep ourselves in check, but stay relevant in present times.
As such, we are sometimes looked upon as defilers of the religion (though a relationship is what it is) or a desecration of principles when more traditional believers look uncomfortably at us as we seem to adopt ungodly practices in our effort to stay relevant. Non-believers, on the other hand, sometimes find our evangelism and fervour beyond natural and even fanatical.
And natural it is not, because our belief, our fervour, our hope is rooted in daily effort and discipline to know Him more. And we fall short. We're not perfect. But, we, try.
Surely this is standing between the living (believers) and the dead (unbelievers)? I might be pushing it a little but this reminds me of
Mark 13:13 All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
And then there's tomorrow.
1. Don't forget the Xiao gang
(I know it's repetitive but) It has become my habit each day I wake up to mentally repeat reminders to myself because of how easy our mind lets slip of the important stuff.
Okay, on to the entry.
As I started, two ideas for getting across my plea (if you would call it) popped in my head.
1. To do it advertisement style.
2. To do it the old-fashion style.
Think I'll do it the 3rd way; without style.
Kidding.
But in all honesty, my longing is nothing trivial.
Because stepping out to know God more intimately, reaching out to people and being more caring (I try at least), constantly reminding myself to reflect on my weaknesses, is not at all an easy task, even insurmountable if I ever feel alone.
And so I long for a buddy who:
- Can grow with me at a similar pace so we can challenge each other
- Spiritually shares the same fire, the same burden for people
- Care for people and each other
- Remind me of my blind spots, my inclination to legalism or my apparent lack of EQ
- Providing reminds to keep in check my tongue
Because in putting in effort there will be disappointments, discouragement and obstacles.
But before that happens, I want to be insulated from all these, because we cannot be spending all our time solving problems; we have to be prepared for at least some of them.
Being a follower of Christ often requires self motivation and self criticism. Being a contemporary Christian is even more challenging as we strive not just to keep ourselves in check, but stay relevant in present times.
As such, we are sometimes looked upon as defilers of the religion (though a relationship is what it is) or a desecration of principles when more traditional believers look uncomfortably at us as we seem to adopt ungodly practices in our effort to stay relevant. Non-believers, on the other hand, sometimes find our evangelism and fervour beyond natural and even fanatical.
And natural it is not, because our belief, our fervour, our hope is rooted in daily effort and discipline to know Him more. And we fall short. We're not perfect. But, we, try.
Surely this is standing between the living (believers) and the dead (unbelievers)? I might be pushing it a little but this reminds me of
Mark 13:13 All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
And then there's tomorrow.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
#9 A Great Day, An Awesome Day
Saturday was a crazy, busy day. For some reason, I shoved so many events into my calendar that some of them had to simply evaporate. And they did; most of the less urgent things I got no confirmation reply for (such as a lunch appointment).
Went to the IT show to get Jerrome's new hard drive. Spent 2 hours going in and coming out, and we only visited 3 stalls, spending less than 2 mins on 2 and just the paying time for the last! Then went to grab tickets for Jason drummer's performance, after which I visited Hope's service.
Was thinking about my ex-shepherd, Timothy Alvin, but had to much on my hands beyond just a short sms conversation and finding out that he was at the IT show the whole day, so he couldn't join me in the visit.
The amazing thing; Jin Hui/Bobby, a fellow NSF from my Unit, received Christ in Hope the previous week's service, and I decided to join him for the service to encourage him and also to visit Hope once more. The service was amazing and the sermon spoke wonders to me, especially about magnifying God VS problems.
I am always amazed at the level of energy in Hope's praise. Sometimes I really really miss jumping in praise with Jerrome and the rest of the RPians in unity. I still remember in Year 1 we always rushed down right in front to praise God, leading the charge. Soon after, everyone picked up!
Thank God for Lancaster joining us, and all those who said hi, because it really made me feel welcomed once again. P.S. Jeremy, you are remembered! Prayed a short prayer for Elaine and left after service to for dinner.
I had the opportunity to join HopeRP guy's dinner fellowship and had quite a good time with Blake, Ronald (a visiting brother) and Chun Kwee, glad to see everyone doing well. :)
Time flew past and I was unable to join Nehemiah and company for Daohui supper, because I had to go to "St John" according to Nehemiah. Hey brother, I went to St James, not St John. =X
Met my two camp mates, Mike and Waltson. Have a bit to say about Mike:
He is a Buddhist, and questioned me before about Christianity and my beliefs. I ever asked him if he wanted to join me for service but he said that he was not interested because he has his own beliefs. Then two/three weeks ago Mike told me that he visited his cousin's church. He even bought a daily devotional even though he had not received Christ, so he could know more about Christianity before committing his life. He shared that he felt different being there than from other churches because he felt at peace after a while, even though he was initially apprehensive. When I invited him to City Harvest, he told me he did not want to church hop, so I respected his decision. I offered him my help if he had questions, and that I would check if I did not know the answers. :)
About Waltson: I'm working on it. Right, top-notch!
Other highlights:
Heng Yu committed to City Harvest now! Good choice bro, lets grow together! :)
Praying for:
Timothy Alvin (bro, you may not know it, or you may choose not to believe it, but as the first one to bring me to Christ, you have my eternal thanks and I pray that you will come back to Him)
Jerrome & Elaine (Commit to a local church! Sink your roots! :D)
Xueyan (Come to know God as Jerrome has, His blessings are awaiting your acceptance)
Darryl (Protection and covering from on high)
E410 (Various, various, various)
More helping hands
Better wisdom, planning and consistency; I don't want to go around half dead physically :(
Strength for the week ahead
P.S. EEK! I haven't sent Darryl the daily sms!
Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Went to the IT show to get Jerrome's new hard drive. Spent 2 hours going in and coming out, and we only visited 3 stalls, spending less than 2 mins on 2 and just the paying time for the last! Then went to grab tickets for Jason drummer's performance, after which I visited Hope's service.
Was thinking about my ex-shepherd, Timothy Alvin, but had to much on my hands beyond just a short sms conversation and finding out that he was at the IT show the whole day, so he couldn't join me in the visit.
The amazing thing; Jin Hui/Bobby, a fellow NSF from my Unit, received Christ in Hope the previous week's service, and I decided to join him for the service to encourage him and also to visit Hope once more. The service was amazing and the sermon spoke wonders to me, especially about magnifying God VS problems.
I am always amazed at the level of energy in Hope's praise. Sometimes I really really miss jumping in praise with Jerrome and the rest of the RPians in unity. I still remember in Year 1 we always rushed down right in front to praise God, leading the charge. Soon after, everyone picked up!
Thank God for Lancaster joining us, and all those who said hi, because it really made me feel welcomed once again. P.S. Jeremy, you are remembered! Prayed a short prayer for Elaine and left after service to for dinner.
I had the opportunity to join HopeRP guy's dinner fellowship and had quite a good time with Blake, Ronald (a visiting brother) and Chun Kwee, glad to see everyone doing well. :)
Time flew past and I was unable to join Nehemiah and company for Daohui supper, because I had to go to "St John" according to Nehemiah. Hey brother, I went to St James, not St John. =X
Met my two camp mates, Mike and Waltson. Have a bit to say about Mike:
He is a Buddhist, and questioned me before about Christianity and my beliefs. I ever asked him if he wanted to join me for service but he said that he was not interested because he has his own beliefs. Then two/three weeks ago Mike told me that he visited his cousin's church. He even bought a daily devotional even though he had not received Christ, so he could know more about Christianity before committing his life. He shared that he felt different being there than from other churches because he felt at peace after a while, even though he was initially apprehensive. When I invited him to City Harvest, he told me he did not want to church hop, so I respected his decision. I offered him my help if he had questions, and that I would check if I did not know the answers. :)
About Waltson: I'm working on it. Right, top-notch!
Other highlights:
Heng Yu committed to City Harvest now! Good choice bro, lets grow together! :)
Praying for:
Timothy Alvin (bro, you may not know it, or you may choose not to believe it, but as the first one to bring me to Christ, you have my eternal thanks and I pray that you will come back to Him)
Jerrome & Elaine (Commit to a local church! Sink your roots! :D)
Xueyan (Come to know God as Jerrome has, His blessings are awaiting your acceptance)
Darryl (Protection and covering from on high)
E410 (Various, various, various)
More helping hands
Better wisdom, planning and consistency; I don't want to go around half dead physically :(
Strength for the week ahead
P.S. EEK! I haven't sent Darryl the daily sms!
Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
#8 Burden For People
Two posts in one day!
Before I go on, I have to admit a few things;
1. My time management is extremely bad.
2. My faith is inconsistent at best.
3. My understanding is incomplete.
4. My burden is real.
Remind to self (I have to do this because I'm so irresponsible and ill-disciplined):
1. Daily reminder to self and J/HY for Bible reading and prayer
2. Watch my tongue
3. From tomorrow onwards, daily updates to Darryl who's overseas.
4. Easter-related stuff (shhh)
5. Diploma enrolment
6. Collecting RP certificate (might want to go for Graduation Ball
7. Don't forget the Xiao gang
8. Please, please, please, be consistent!
Catching the fire for God once again is not an easy task. And yet losing it to religious fanaticism is the last thing I want to do, though it easy to fall in to. So once again I made use of a method that seems pretty effective for myself; encouraging/reminding myself through doing the same for others.
And as Darryl leaves Singapore for his training attachment overseas, the onus is on me to help Heng Yu and Jerrome get back to consistency with God.
Bit by bit I grow, bit by bit I struggle. But my faith is continually renewed when I see so many souls waiting, aching to find a greater sense of purpose beyond play, work and sleep.
They need Him.
I need to help them find Him.
Be with me.
*Edit*
Oh yeah. One morrrrrre thing.
More fellowship please. Lets take charge, instead of having Annie or Linn or Aaron do so. Very important if we are to trust one another, if we are to grow together with one another.
Before I go on, I have to admit a few things;
1. My time management is extremely bad.
2. My faith is inconsistent at best.
3. My understanding is incomplete.
4. My burden is real.
Remind to self (I have to do this because I'm so irresponsible and ill-disciplined):
1. Daily reminder to self and J/HY for Bible reading and prayer
2. Watch my tongue
3. From tomorrow onwards, daily updates to Darryl who's overseas.
4. Easter-related stuff (shhh)
5. Diploma enrolment
6. Collecting RP certificate (might want to go for Graduation Ball
7. Don't forget the Xiao gang
8. Please, please, please, be consistent!
Catching the fire for God once again is not an easy task. And yet losing it to religious fanaticism is the last thing I want to do, though it easy to fall in to. So once again I made use of a method that seems pretty effective for myself; encouraging/reminding myself through doing the same for others.
And as Darryl leaves Singapore for his training attachment overseas, the onus is on me to help Heng Yu and Jerrome get back to consistency with God.
Bit by bit I grow, bit by bit I struggle. But my faith is continually renewed when I see so many souls waiting, aching to find a greater sense of purpose beyond play, work and sleep.
They need Him.
I need to help them find Him.
Be with me.
*Edit*
Oh yeah. One morrrrrre thing.
More fellowship please. Lets take charge, instead of having Annie or Linn or Aaron do so. Very important if we are to trust one another, if we are to grow together with one another.
#7 Interesting
This last bit came up in the papers today in the Home section in the article entitled "Tracts 'no different from Da Vinci Code', as the closing remark by the DPP involved in the case.
"Mrs (Name), you may not have had the intention, but irresponsible evangelism can also cause hatred and dissension."
It instantly brought to mind a passage in the Bible:
1 Corinthians 10:31-33
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
While I admit that the error made by the evangelising lady involved was unfortunate, it reminded me of the many times believers (including myself), contribute to forwarding messages that on the surface seem to do good, but in actual fact are spam, seemingly appealing to us through ethos (moral grounds) but in actual fact urging us to do spread a certain blessing message through pathos (emotions, e.g. coercion by saying that if you deny Christ, He will deny you as well). We are caught by guilt or even misguided trust because what is written is veiled on moral high ground and do as the message says in spite the fact that we were called to be "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves" in Mat 10:16.
Sure, on the up side it seems that all is harmless. However,whether intentional or not this over time builds into a culture of blind trust. Ironically our faith is then undermined when we start to stop questioning our beliefs because we have gotten used to it. Because the day we lose the desire to know more is the day we start to know less and less of Him.
And not only does it undermine our faith, but it also causes listeners of the Gospel to not comprehend the full message of Salvation, because we as the vessels end up contradicting ourselves as we proclaim love but end up causing emotional hurt to the unsaved when we indiscriminately (and often we do not realise) force our beliefs upon others.
No one can force another and no one should be forced, only that the Message is preached and people decide for themselves.
So before we complain that our efforts are in vain as we share the Message the next time, let us take a step back and consider; have we really conveyed the full Message in both words, and actions? This is important because we would be cheating ourselves and robbing others of the chance to be saved if we didn't. Don't get so used to listening that you forget discerning. Because hearing is only the first step; Understanding is the other.
"Mrs (Name), you may not have had the intention, but irresponsible evangelism can also cause hatred and dissension."
It instantly brought to mind a passage in the Bible:
1 Corinthians 10:31-33
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
While I admit that the error made by the evangelising lady involved was unfortunate, it reminded me of the many times believers (including myself), contribute to forwarding messages that on the surface seem to do good, but in actual fact are spam, seemingly appealing to us through ethos (moral grounds) but in actual fact urging us to do spread a certain blessing message through pathos (emotions, e.g. coercion by saying that if you deny Christ, He will deny you as well). We are caught by guilt or even misguided trust because what is written is veiled on moral high ground and do as the message says in spite the fact that we were called to be "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves" in Mat 10:16.
Sure, on the up side it seems that all is harmless. However,whether intentional or not this over time builds into a culture of blind trust. Ironically our faith is then undermined when we start to stop questioning our beliefs because we have gotten used to it. Because the day we lose the desire to know more is the day we start to know less and less of Him.
And not only does it undermine our faith, but it also causes listeners of the Gospel to not comprehend the full message of Salvation, because we as the vessels end up contradicting ourselves as we proclaim love but end up causing emotional hurt to the unsaved when we indiscriminately (and often we do not realise) force our beliefs upon others.
No one can force another and no one should be forced, only that the Message is preached and people decide for themselves.
So before we complain that our efforts are in vain as we share the Message the next time, let us take a step back and consider; have we really conveyed the full Message in both words, and actions? This is important because we would be cheating ourselves and robbing others of the chance to be saved if we didn't. Don't get so used to listening that you forget discerning. Because hearing is only the first step; Understanding is the other.
Monday, March 9, 2009
#6 People
So many of them enter your life that you cannot keep count, however much you try to. Just looking at my MSN contact list I can see at least a hundred I used to (no longer) contact.
And I just don't know how to re-start the conversation without feeling all weird.
Because every single soul is precious to Him.
How long would the doors stay open, till they are closed forever?
I don't need to experience it to know the pain. I just know that losing a loved one to even physical death is something that I cannot endure.
What more eternal separation, with the knowledge that emptiness is their destiny?
Still I sense the urgency.
Still I sense my fear.
Give me strength, a greater heart, a wiser mind.
I love You. I trust You.
And I just don't know how to re-start the conversation without feeling all weird.
Because every single soul is precious to Him.
How long would the doors stay open, till they are closed forever?
I don't need to experience it to know the pain. I just know that losing a loved one to even physical death is something that I cannot endure.
What more eternal separation, with the knowledge that emptiness is their destiny?
Still I sense the urgency.
Still I sense my fear.
Give me strength, a greater heart, a wiser mind.
I love You. I trust You.
Friday, March 6, 2009
#5 Ups & Downs
This week is by far the most explosive week of the year so far. I started off the week hacking and slashing into mounds of work like a madman gone wild. Looking back, I'm still amazed how I got away not falling sick. (No details please, because I don't want to look back at the week, then look forward and shudder.)
Then somewhere midweek I encountered a spanner in the engine with some colleague trouble. That really took a lot of energy out of me as I couldn't believe how with my hectic schedule I could still find the time to get into the wrong shoes of a good and helpful friend. I mulled for hours every time I was reminded of the encounter and vainly struggled to improve my mood.
So on Wednesday when I was downright low on mental energy, I was told to join my superior at a meeting outside. That gave me a good opportunity to talk to my superior and share life experiences, as well as keep my mind of the trouble behind me.
Thursday was not lacking in eventfulness; I kicked, flipped, tripped, stumbled and bashed my face through the whole day, blinded by the abovementioned problem.
I'm glad I found out the reason for the misunderstanding today through a casual question after hours of planning, struggling and postponement, because I absolutely hate confrontations. Now I know the reason, I sure as anything will try my best not to repeat it.
And so lunchtime came and I took my off for the afternoon kudos to my superior. After double-checking with my boss to make sure there were no outstanding issues, I left the office, headed home into the shower and then to bed.
I woke up a dreadful being. The memories of a lost loved one stings, whether bitter or sweet, even months after their passing.
And before I fully recovered, I discovered to my horror I had about 4 calls from my boss, apparently looking for me urgently.
I had made a mistake in the meeting dates. So I did the only thing one could do in a state of mental confusion; apologise to my boss and another superior.
Ouch.
But I don't consider that ending at a low point because mistakes can be fixed and as shown, misunderstandings can be rectified. We only require willingness and action.
That's what I have been reminded this week.
Then somewhere midweek I encountered a spanner in the engine with some colleague trouble. That really took a lot of energy out of me as I couldn't believe how with my hectic schedule I could still find the time to get into the wrong shoes of a good and helpful friend. I mulled for hours every time I was reminded of the encounter and vainly struggled to improve my mood.
So on Wednesday when I was downright low on mental energy, I was told to join my superior at a meeting outside. That gave me a good opportunity to talk to my superior and share life experiences, as well as keep my mind of the trouble behind me.
Thursday was not lacking in eventfulness; I kicked, flipped, tripped, stumbled and bashed my face through the whole day, blinded by the abovementioned problem.
I'm glad I found out the reason for the misunderstanding today through a casual question after hours of planning, struggling and postponement, because I absolutely hate confrontations. Now I know the reason, I sure as anything will try my best not to repeat it.
And so lunchtime came and I took my off for the afternoon kudos to my superior. After double-checking with my boss to make sure there were no outstanding issues, I left the office, headed home into the shower and then to bed.
I woke up a dreadful being. The memories of a lost loved one stings, whether bitter or sweet, even months after their passing.
And before I fully recovered, I discovered to my horror I had about 4 calls from my boss, apparently looking for me urgently.
I had made a mistake in the meeting dates. So I did the only thing one could do in a state of mental confusion; apologise to my boss and another superior.
Ouch.
But I don't consider that ending at a low point because mistakes can be fixed and as shown, misunderstandings can be rectified. We only require willingness and action.
That's what I have been reminded this week.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
#4 Oh Cool
The Navy just sent me a pair of slippers and a tiny bottle of sunblock.
I think I'm going to sign on.
Not.
****
And then I am inspired to write a short passage
Try to see if you can guess what happened:
It was an uncomfortable feeling; A sudden force of pressure building up from within. Patrick struggled. This was definitely not the place, nor the right time, he knew. The characteristic tingling sensation started, building quickly into an uncomfortable burning sensation. An agonizing pain brought forth by the rapidly gathering assemblage sent him into a state of escalating consternation. All around he looked, even pleaded.
Yet there seemed no hope for respite in sight.
Moments passed; dreadfully long moments as Patrick battled a losing battle from within to take control, to assume mastery over that which had threatened to defeat him.
Push came to shove and Patrick almost doubled over, stretched almost to the limit. Tears rolled down the sides of his face as he struggled against the effort. Patrick fought with all he could, till his muscles burned a pain like no other.
And then it happened.
In a valiant but utter vain attempt, Patrick half screamed, half cried a word of warning.
*BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM*
Like a crash of thunder, it happened.
A sudden rush of freedom flushed all over Patrick. Yet as the little boy opened his eyes after precious seconds of uninterrupted relief, even pleasure, reality soon smashed in.
Looking around in fear, Patrick saw all eyes trained upon him in pure trepidation.
All that were left, at least.
For a sense of dread and ill omen swept over Patrick as he realised that half the class had been knocked unconscious.
Patrick Smash the "Thunderpants" had struck.
****
And then a little quote that occurred through a conversation with a good friend. I like this:
Maybe she's right
Maybe I'm right
We'll never know
Until we decide
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
And then there's punishment.
And then its back to square one once more.
I think I'm going to sign on.
Not.
****
And then I am inspired to write a short passage
Try to see if you can guess what happened:
It was an uncomfortable feeling; A sudden force of pressure building up from within. Patrick struggled. This was definitely not the place, nor the right time, he knew. The characteristic tingling sensation started, building quickly into an uncomfortable burning sensation. An agonizing pain brought forth by the rapidly gathering assemblage sent him into a state of escalating consternation. All around he looked, even pleaded.
Yet there seemed no hope for respite in sight.
Moments passed; dreadfully long moments as Patrick battled a losing battle from within to take control, to assume mastery over that which had threatened to defeat him.
Push came to shove and Patrick almost doubled over, stretched almost to the limit. Tears rolled down the sides of his face as he struggled against the effort. Patrick fought with all he could, till his muscles burned a pain like no other.
And then it happened.
In a valiant but utter vain attempt, Patrick half screamed, half cried a word of warning.
*BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM*
Like a crash of thunder, it happened.
A sudden rush of freedom flushed all over Patrick. Yet as the little boy opened his eyes after precious seconds of uninterrupted relief, even pleasure, reality soon smashed in.
Looking around in fear, Patrick saw all eyes trained upon him in pure trepidation.
All that were left, at least.
For a sense of dread and ill omen swept over Patrick as he realised that half the class had been knocked unconscious.
Patrick Smash the "Thunderpants" had struck.
****
And then a little quote that occurred through a conversation with a good friend. I like this:
Maybe she's right
Maybe I'm right
We'll never know
Until we decide
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
And then there's punishment.
And then its back to square one once more.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
#3 Yet Another Service Day
And the '06-'08 HopeRP people are busy at work on facebook adding pictures and tagging.
The latest spoof is L4D.
I am a boomer, ironically!
Each service I not only grow to understand God more, but also the people He has put into my life. E410 rocks!
Pardon me though if I seem aloof in my interaction.
I guess, though, the effect of months of living in solitude have not yet completely faded away; I still find myself subconsciously resisting communication at times.
And as the year gears ahead, I brace myself for great breakthroughs.
I'm surprised I fared better than expected in today's Bible quiz, though the experience has on hindsight also pointed out glaring weaknesses in my life. Most notably, my consistency and urgency.
I look at Matthew 9:37 in a different light now. I am here. Being willing and committed to engage the harvest is a different matter.
That shall be my next challenge.
The latest spoof is L4D.
I am a boomer, ironically!
Each service I not only grow to understand God more, but also the people He has put into my life. E410 rocks!
Pardon me though if I seem aloof in my interaction.
I guess, though, the effect of months of living in solitude have not yet completely faded away; I still find myself subconsciously resisting communication at times.
And as the year gears ahead, I brace myself for great breakthroughs.
I'm surprised I fared better than expected in today's Bible quiz, though the experience has on hindsight also pointed out glaring weaknesses in my life. Most notably, my consistency and urgency.
I look at Matthew 9:37 in a different light now. I am here. Being willing and committed to engage the harvest is a different matter.
That shall be my next challenge.
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