#14Everyday A Rush

This is the part I am reflective.

I finally took the conscious effort to read Ps Kong Hee's blog to update myself on sister (? I don't know how to properly refer to her) Sun Ho's medical condition.

Boy was I shocked at what I read. Want to know more? Go www.konghee.com/blog (sorry the link doesn't work).

Please do remember to pray for her too!

This week flew past pretty quickly. The work came fast and furious, but I've realised I've unknowingly fallen in love with the work. I'm not sure how it happened, but I guess it helped when I kept a positive attitude in spite of my natural aversion to cheap labour. Then, I guess, things just changed inside.

Blessed that in spite of the workload I had lots of excess time; time spent on QT and memorising the 5 Acts verses. I usually am good at memorising short verses. This time though, the task seems impossible. Everytime I feel I've memorise it, I realise I forgot everything. Must be a reason behind it...

I'm surprised at a few things in camp.

1. My relationship with my colleagues, the regulars and my boss has improved tremendously. I feel so blessed! For example, usually my CO lets the duty clerk wait for him till he finishes. Today, when he heard I was the duty clerk, he told me he would be leaving around 6.30-7pm at first, after some thought. I had the impression he wanted to stay longer but thought otherwise. Then, a few minutes later, he came out and told me to leave first and get the people staying over to lock up for me, mentioning that he could be there till much later. People say that it's all part of the benefits of being a CO PA. I don't agree. You can be a CO PA and stuck up and people will get sick of your character and personality pretty quickly, or you can be nice and people take advantage at the start, but see what you truly are after a while.

2. I shared my testimony to two camp mates rather unintentionally. It first started with a camp mate, Mike asking me about Holy Spirit baptism and speaking in tongues. Another friend got interested in the conversation (albeit negatively, it seemed to me) and started asking me leading questions; questions with a hook. I readily admitted I did not have the answers that he needed, but shared my testimony, why I believed what I believed in the simplest of terms and urged him to experience before coming to a conclusion. There seemed much tension within him, disbelief, but I felt something different. As I spoke, my voice changed from a defensive tone, to a reconcilatory one. But if there's but one takeaway, it is this; I have to know more. Much more.

I've not kept my promise to Darryl to sms him every night to update him. Don't have the discipline. It's kind of hard pushing myself to do all these things; totally opposite from the me I have known. But it's a necessary sacrifice. I'm going to do what I can.

This is the part I go ballistic.

I seem to be grasping at time. 3 months have passed so quickly! So much things I haven't done, so much things I've missed out because of a lack of self-discipline and planning!

And that occasional thought of my granny. It's been 8 months but it still feels like yesterday. I don't see her in the ICU in my mind anymore but I can't ever seem to dream a dream where she's happy. Each dream ends in either a stalemate or a nightmarish ending.

I don't seem to be succeeding with ballistic.

Oh no, I'm getting negative! God, give me a positive direction to look to, to work for and to believe in!

Because I don't want to miss the point.