#15 Ever So Often

I'm reminded by the fading/faded, beautiful past.

I put on my earphones and immerse myself in nostalgia as memories resurfaced, lightly flirting with familiar tunes.

Sometimes I think of happy thoughts, others bring back that crippling, gripping fear, or despair.

When that happens, its very much a unique situation; I'm enraptured and yet not at all involved.

I feel I'm looking too inwardly. Because, as a memory from before reminds me, disappointment comes with not realizing that the present is but a portion of an ongoing process. And I am not the centre; merely a gear in the engine.

Merely, misleadingly, but that I'll leave for another time.

And once more, I yearn to receive once more that simple, child-like ability to love, to trust, to let go and fly free. Because growing up has put much inhibition, distraction and doubt on my persona.

And then, there's this house that I live in that needs tending to; that I ignore and overlook daily.

Sometimes I feel so uptight, so strained and squeezed dry, that I'd just like to disappear.

But until that day comes, until my time has ended, I still be living, breathing, discovering, learning and hoping.

I know I'm not good enough. That's why I'm never alone.

Even when I feel alone.