#42 I Love My Dad

I love him in spite of all the decisions I feel he should have made differently, just as how he loves me in spite of the wrong decisions that I have made, whether or not I am aware of them.

I got up abit miffed because of all the drilling work happening just outside my house (lift upgrading works). On reaching the first floor of my house, I heard some complaining by my elder brother. After hearing him repeat it about 3 or 4 times, I totally lost it.

To cut a long story short, I retorted in belligerent verbosity, even though my brother's outburst had nothing to do with me, but my mom, a reaction that surprised even myself in my state anger.

I'm still not sure how to explain it, so I shall do my best;

I was seeing the mistakes that my dad made in my brother, and was hurt and angry that he was learning the same. In my misguided attempt to change things, I made an even bigger mountain out of a molehill by scolding, retorting and in general challenging my brother unreasonably.

It got so bad until I broke down in tears.

I guess somehow I went up to my room, lay down and really thought hard, as mom comforted me. The whole episode reeked of self-righteousness on my part, and even though I love my family and didn't want things to get worse, I really went out of line this time.

And as I type this, I realise that in spite of what I feel, I cannot 100% say that my dad is wrong in certain decisions that he made, just that I do not approve of them.

In spite of that, I love him just the same, just as I know he loves me.

And I want to somehow find a way to reach him through proper two-way communication, in spite of not knowing how or when it will happen.

Because if family can't even point out each other's mistakes, who will?

I can only pray for the courage and wisdom to accept constructive criticism myself.