#103 Jia Liang's Word For Me Yesterday

Was spot on. While walking toward Macdonald's he suddenly turned toward me and asked, "Is there something...(Sorry! I can't remember the rest of the sentence, thanks to my STM)?"

And then he asked me if I have an issue with loving myself. Spot on.

No matter how much I can love and show concern to others, I will never be able to go deep if I do not first love myself. And truthfully, my low self-esteem is a glaring sign of my lack of self-love (for lack of a better word). And it's hard. I'll try though; I'll never say die.

Wow, it's kind of funny; as I was rushing back home I had so much things to pen down but sitting here in front of the computer, I don't really know where to start!

And I appreciate Zong Han for his honesty and straightforwardness. It is indeed a blessing to be a friend and brother-in-Christ with him. He has spoke poignantly about my personality and been accurate at what he describes. To Zong Han: A huge thank you bro! :)

Yesterday, Jun Wei was talking to me about writing a spiritual diary. I mulled over it for a little while, and decided that it was for the best; I want to keep in mind and remember the many revelations and encouragement that God has put into my life, never to let them go. Because Man has a short memory and its even more so for me, unfortunately.

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But two things I remember clearly, things that impacted me greatly this week:

1. The situation: I was rushing to CG after ending relatively late for administrative duty in camp. Normally, I'd feel this sour feeling in eating to my heart as the minutes go by and cell group progresses. But this day, I know that God has already given me various words and that no matter what, it will be an awesome cell group ahead. So when I got on the train, I put on a smile in my heart and waited...

And waited... And waited... and started to feel tired, drowsy... Sleepy...

The revelation: And then it hit me. Out of no where, the story of the widow who put in the two mites (it was all she had) and how Jesus declared that she had put in more than any of the rich who had offered out of their wealth jolted my brain wide awake, and I began to remember an SMS about a smile as a sacrifice.

Likewise, just as choosing to smile in times when we really don't have a rational motivation is a sacrifice, so can my choosing to stay awake and mentally sharp! So the rest of the trip I "F5, refreshed!" the smile in my heart and went to cell group determined to have joy in my heart. It turned out to be an awesome decision. :)

2. The night before, I was looking at my phone, feeling weird when I realised that though I sent out quite a few encouraging messages, I hadn't received much replies! I started to feel a bit down, but picked myself up emotionally.

The next day, I was thinking in my heart about how I felt yesterday when I started to understand that often times when we do things, we expect a quick response or reaction. But God wants us to wait, to test the longevity of our faith and build patience in our character. That we may shine forth as gold.

I certainly wasn't feeling like gold the night before. But at that point when realisation came into my heart, I felt very much more relieved. Because a dead end must come before God's long hand stretches out to bring us a miracle! :)

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And as my waking time comes to an end, I just want to thank God for the wonderful word in S2 today. I wish I had a car and a driver's license; I'd have drove my mom to Expo for the service! It was really an awesome Message!