#118 So Much To Say

And yet I can't find the words.

Serving has been tough, waking up has been tougher and yet at the end of each day I find myself thanking God for the opportunity to be there.

Mom came for Reinhard Bonnke's sermon. I was really hoping for her arms, legs and spine to be healed. But one thing that I really brought away is this; God uses anyone and everyone, not just a "Big Man". And so even as there wasn't a healing altar call, I took the chance to pray for her. Just a little seed. Just a spoken word. But the Holy Spirit has been hovering ever since the day of Pentecost, waiting only for the word to be spoken for miracles to be unleashed. And I want to believe that.

Use me, I said. Even if I tremble within.

And I noticed that I smiled much more this whole Asia Conference than all the time I've served as an usher in normal service, in spite of the tiredness. There's just so much fulfillment in what I am doing and I'm really thankful for the wonderful people around me who made it happen.

(On to a thanksgiving list; it's going to sound churchy!)

Thanks to an awesome CGL in Marc, who visited me in a time when my heart was calloused and closed. (Luke 11:8 Persistence)

Thanks to an awesome brother in Zong Han, who somehow through persistence got through to me and encouraged me.

Thanks to an exemplary TL in Ariel, who inspired me in her joy and understanding, never giving up!

Thanks to the various people in CG, such as Joson and Boon Ping (and many more I have not named) who completely wow me when I see them so eager to receive in spite of being young in the Lord. Truthfully, it is the little children that will inherit the Kingdom of God.

Even if it seems so, It's not without struggles or temptations each day of the Conference. Because as the days past, I feel more and more inclined to take time off and come later, or skip the next day totally just to do the things that I want to do or to relax. I feel like my body is spent and I feel like a good long sleep would be in order. But all these things just fade away when I remembered the promise I made in my heart; I will fling myself with the last ounce of my strength to receive, just as the woman with the issue of blood had done so many years ago.

And even though I do not have a pressing, wasting illness, my disease is being weak and insignificant, lacking in contribution to this world. But if I can just make a little difference, then that's all that I desire.

But still I have this tiny, little thing that I am asking of God. And I pray it will be answered soon. Pretty please?